Tuesday, 21 November 2006

• so earlier today anna and i were talking about xanga and stuff and so since i was sorta bored a while ago, i decided that i'd go read old entries of mine to reflect upon what an emo little child i am.  But anyway, as much as i wanted to hit my previous self for half the things i said (publicly, god!) i was tempted to write again. Especially since noone reads xanga anymore.  What is it about this fucking weblog that makes all my grammar and vocabulary go down the drain? i really don't write this terribly under usual circumstances. 

  so now onto the retarded reflective portion. nice, eh? i can't even really write this without inwardly snickering at myself and at how typical teenager i sound.  But i have changed, really. I wish that there was a way people could just see how i have changed and matured in a good way because truthfully, i'm proud of it.  It's also the sort of change, though, that isn't really visible to others.  I've been making some harder choices recently about things there are high chances i'll come to regret. However, for the first time in a really long time i'm completely behind my choices.  I'm making these decisions because theyre right for me and even though previously i was having so much difficulty dealing with the subtle way things had changed because of them, i'm finding its not that hard.  I guess sometimes we just cling to things that are only remainders of what used to be real because they are familiar and they give us a false sort of hope.  So, i mean, it feels terrible to stop, but after you're free its a very nice feeling.  I don't want to speak prematurely because I'm not yet sure how anything is going to work out, but i'm pretty happy regardless. 

  so what else has been going on in my life?
  nothing special, thats what.

  today and yesterday i chilled.  i've been playing a fuckload of videogames recently.  i need a wii soooo so bad.  i think i might have broken the addiction to shopping- for real.  i bought more eyeliner today.  i found my oldoldold karate shirt when i was looking for my gi (is that how it's spelled?) and plan on wearing it often enough.  i'm going back to karate soon.  i don't dance anymore.  i promote teen nights for cave.  i saw the yummiest boy at the meeting today (possibly in posession of a tongue ring, oh my!).  i trimmed my bangs yesterday.  i'm itching for change- not that that's new, i can never stay put for too long.  i can't wait to get a sexy as thinkpad laptop for christmas (yeah, i know my present, lame but necessary).  i may or may not have a large sweet sixteen.  this may or may not be a problem since there are a handful of people who i don't know where we stand, as in we're friends i guess, but its so complicated that we're not even friends by the people who talk to each other rules.  i have coach sneakers LOL, feel free to laugh.  ryan jacobchick (THAT ASSHOLE I HOPE HE READS THIS <3) is in nyc and i cannot see him because he's with his family and has school tomorrow.  i went to the meeting tonight in just my black shirt with my white shirt over it and a scarf (and of course jeans and moonboots) and the cold was amazing.  I might get sick.  There's noone to get with so it doesn't matter (god, how terrible did THAT sound?).  I'm debating whether or not to wear my white corset to the upcoming school dance.  should i wear it to the next teen night?

  you and i don't fundamentally understand each others' needs even though we like to think we do.

  i am currently shivering and need a blanket.

  overall, this wasn't too bad an entry.

  and tomorrow is chilltime with the girls again. a bit of a departure from my usual vacation hermitude. 

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